Shiawase no Katachi 5
After that, Hajime refused to talk to me until all classes ended. Not that I can't guess his reason for doing so, which is why I didn't persistently try to talk him up. At least, until it's time to return home.
Since we started high school, Hajime's 'subordinates' had come to brave themselves to take friendly approach. Not only that they'll try to chat him up on breaks and took the initiatives to invite him to join them for group assignments, now and then they'll also accompany him until some way when returning home.
... To me, they still look like simple followers, as always, though.
Anyway. At least they still have enough sensitivity to know when Hajime doesn't want their company. Today, they parted ways right after they left the school gate. I immediately grabbed the chance, approaching Hajime and patted his shoulder to get his attention. He made an unpleasant expression when he saw that it's me, but I wouldn't back down just because he's making that face.
"Hajime. I think we need to talk."
"I don't think we need to talk."
"Even so, I want us to sort it out as soon as possible."
"..."
"Please? I don't want you to give me the cold treatment any longer than this."
He didn't stop walking, so I deliberately matched my walking pace with his. I'm determined that we have to clear it out today. If not, I have the feeling that it'll take longer for us to mend things. Because Hajime didn't give me any response, I thought that he's being stubborn on not wanting to talk to me for the time being, so I tried to think up what to say next - but before I could come up with anything, he suddenly said,
"Not here. Let's find somewhere quiet."
Blinking a few times, I then found myself smiling widely. Hajime is right, we can't simply talk about it while walking on our road home; there are students heading down the same route, and neither of us wish for outsiders to catch about our conversation.
So we stopped over at a small park near the train station, our usual after-school hang out place when we don't really have any place that we'd like to visit before going home. Usually we would just do random talks while watching over some kids playing together, but today those kids aren't around, which is a good thing, because it'll be awkward to talk about the matter with the voice of children playing merrily in the background.
Sitting on swings, there was only the sounds of train from the nearby station passing by to accompany the silence that lasted until I opened the conversation.
"First, I'm sorry for what I did."
With the corner of my eyes, I could see Hajime turned his head slightly to look at me. I couldn't quite tell what kind of expression he had then, because I tried to keep my gaze fixed at the ground beneath my feet as I continued,
"Even though I said I would teach you, I shouldn't have touched you all way too familiarly like that, and.in the end make you feel uncomfortable with my presence. I won't touch you so casually again, not without your permission, and definitely not . But, please, Hajime,"
I gulped down the nervousness that suddenly appeared as I was about to mention the word, the thing that I really don't want to happen.
"... please don't hate me."
Silence once again filled the atmosphere around us. I still couldn't bring myself to lift my gaze, so I just tried to listen to any sound that Hajime may make. His voice, or the sound of his fabrics rustling if he decides to get up from the swing. But the first sound that I finally heard coming from him is the sound of him heaving a sigh.
"You're thinking too far again, Haru. I wouldn't hate you for that."
"But, you were trying to avoid me, right?"
"... Not because of what you think."
"Then why?"
Finally turning my head to look at him, I saw that it was Hajime's turn to cast his gaze down. He didn't immediately answer to my question, probably thinking how to put it into proper words. So I waited and waited, patiently and not averting my gaze away from him even for just a second. When he seemed to be finally ready to explain, he closed his eyes and began,
"I don't find your touches as something uncomfortable. In fact, I... quite like it."
...... I think I just misheard something.
Did Hajime just admitted that he liked what I did to him-?
"Then, there's no reason to avoid me, right? If you're fine with it."
Before I could stop myself, I had blurted out those words. I was just about to regret saying them, worried that Hajime would notice the little bits of happiness that slipped in them, but it seemed that he didn't notice at all because he then continued,
"It's precisely because I'm feeling okay with it. Haru, you're my friend, and also a fellow Alpha. Logically, I shouldn't find it pleasant having you touched me intimately, because this body is meant to seek pleasure from Omega. Not from an Alpha. Yet, I felt that rather than having an Omega, like your senpai, touched me too familiarly, I'd rather have you take their place instead."
Hajime stopped for a moment to let out a dry laugh.
"Don't you find it weird? Because I do. And I feel that I need to do something about it, or else I'll put unnecessary burden onto you. That's why, for the time being, let's put some distance between us, Ha-"
"-I don't want to."
Again, when I realized I had verbalized what I had in mind. This time, I don't care enough to worry about the consequences of my words. Without letting Hajime, who finally looked at me again, say his arguments, I let my words, my thoughts, flow.
"I don't want us to put up some distance, even if just for a short while. Didn't you remember, Hajime? I once told you that I'll feel lonely if I can't see you for days. Now, you made that kind of request. It will feel even worse, Hajime, because even though I can see you in school, you won't let me talk to you like how we usually do."
Hajime's violet-colored eyes widened a fraction at my counter-arguments. But I'm not done yet. For Hajime, the strong, independent and reliable leader-figure Hajime, I always feel the need to stress this sort of point over and over again.
"Besides, why do you try to solve problem all by yourself again, Hajime? Haven't you learned that you can rely on others, or at least in me, when there's something that bothers you? More importantly, this one concerns me as well. So you need to involve me... no, please let me get involved, Hajime."
I ended my little preaching there and saw that Hajime seemed hesitant still. The eyes that had been fixed on me during the whole speech once again wandered to the ground. No words were exchanged between us for the following few minutes. I was expecting him to be stubborn and shooed away my wish to help him out on the matter, but then, after he closed his eyes and heaved a sigh, he said,
"You really are too nice for your own good."
Saying that, Hajime then looked at me again. This time, all traces of hesitations have left him. With chin slightly tilted up and the usual brilliance returned to his violet eyes, he had once again delved into his confident, charismatic persona.
"... If you've resolved yourself for that, then I'll have you exert your everything to help me out in this. As a man, you won't back down on your own words, right? Haaru."
Hearing the familiar tone that he loved to use when calling my name, I couldn't help but to chuckle. Really, despite saying that he doesn't like to be treated like someone superior, now and then he would deliberately posed as the mighty Alpha that he is, who wouldn't let anyone say no to him.
"As you wish, Leader."
In any case, I'm glad that the tension that we had now have melted. No need to worry about distancing ourselves, or the need to constrain ourselves for the matter.
Our relationship might have changed slightly, in that we're not simple best friends anymore, but we were able to spend days together just like we usually do ― happy and content with each other's presence. People around us doesn't seem to notice the change, but perhaps that's for the best. After all, even if we're okay with it, we're both aware that it's something that betrays the normalcy within our society. I'd like for our relationship to last as long as possible, and at the same time hoping that Hajime shared the same feeling.
.
.
.
But, a wishful thinking might be really just that. A mere wish.
.
.
.
Three years have passed since then, and reality decided to remind us not to get carried away with our dreamy wishes. It wants us to remember, that as Alphas, we're not meant to last happily together.
Because we're meant to be with an Omega, whether we'd like it or not.
... Hajime, he found the Omega destined to be his Mate.
Since we started high school, Hajime's 'subordinates' had come to brave themselves to take friendly approach. Not only that they'll try to chat him up on breaks and took the initiatives to invite him to join them for group assignments, now and then they'll also accompany him until some way when returning home.
... To me, they still look like simple followers, as always, though.
Anyway. At least they still have enough sensitivity to know when Hajime doesn't want their company. Today, they parted ways right after they left the school gate. I immediately grabbed the chance, approaching Hajime and patted his shoulder to get his attention. He made an unpleasant expression when he saw that it's me, but I wouldn't back down just because he's making that face.
"Hajime. I think we need to talk."
"I don't think we need to talk."
"Even so, I want us to sort it out as soon as possible."
"..."
"Please? I don't want you to give me the cold treatment any longer than this."
He didn't stop walking, so I deliberately matched my walking pace with his. I'm determined that we have to clear it out today. If not, I have the feeling that it'll take longer for us to mend things. Because Hajime didn't give me any response, I thought that he's being stubborn on not wanting to talk to me for the time being, so I tried to think up what to say next - but before I could come up with anything, he suddenly said,
"Not here. Let's find somewhere quiet."
Blinking a few times, I then found myself smiling widely. Hajime is right, we can't simply talk about it while walking on our road home; there are students heading down the same route, and neither of us wish for outsiders to catch about our conversation.
So we stopped over at a small park near the train station, our usual after-school hang out place when we don't really have any place that we'd like to visit before going home. Usually we would just do random talks while watching over some kids playing together, but today those kids aren't around, which is a good thing, because it'll be awkward to talk about the matter with the voice of children playing merrily in the background.
Sitting on swings, there was only the sounds of train from the nearby station passing by to accompany the silence that lasted until I opened the conversation.
"First, I'm sorry for what I did."
With the corner of my eyes, I could see Hajime turned his head slightly to look at me. I couldn't quite tell what kind of expression he had then, because I tried to keep my gaze fixed at the ground beneath my feet as I continued,
"Even though I said I would teach you, I shouldn't have touched you all way too familiarly like that, and.in the end make you feel uncomfortable with my presence. I won't touch you so casually again, not without your permission, and definitely not . But, please, Hajime,"
I gulped down the nervousness that suddenly appeared as I was about to mention the word, the thing that I really don't want to happen.
"... please don't hate me."
Silence once again filled the atmosphere around us. I still couldn't bring myself to lift my gaze, so I just tried to listen to any sound that Hajime may make. His voice, or the sound of his fabrics rustling if he decides to get up from the swing. But the first sound that I finally heard coming from him is the sound of him heaving a sigh.
"You're thinking too far again, Haru. I wouldn't hate you for that."
"But, you were trying to avoid me, right?"
"... Not because of what you think."
"Then why?"
Finally turning my head to look at him, I saw that it was Hajime's turn to cast his gaze down. He didn't immediately answer to my question, probably thinking how to put it into proper words. So I waited and waited, patiently and not averting my gaze away from him even for just a second. When he seemed to be finally ready to explain, he closed his eyes and began,
"I don't find your touches as something uncomfortable. In fact, I... quite like it."
...... I think I just misheard something.
Did Hajime just admitted that he liked what I did to him-?
"Then, there's no reason to avoid me, right? If you're fine with it."
Before I could stop myself, I had blurted out those words. I was just about to regret saying them, worried that Hajime would notice the little bits of happiness that slipped in them, but it seemed that he didn't notice at all because he then continued,
"It's precisely because I'm feeling okay with it. Haru, you're my friend, and also a fellow Alpha. Logically, I shouldn't find it pleasant having you touched me intimately, because this body is meant to seek pleasure from Omega. Not from an Alpha. Yet, I felt that rather than having an Omega, like your senpai, touched me too familiarly, I'd rather have you take their place instead."
Hajime stopped for a moment to let out a dry laugh.
"Don't you find it weird? Because I do. And I feel that I need to do something about it, or else I'll put unnecessary burden onto you. That's why, for the time being, let's put some distance between us, Ha-"
"-I don't want to."
Again, when I realized I had verbalized what I had in mind. This time, I don't care enough to worry about the consequences of my words. Without letting Hajime, who finally looked at me again, say his arguments, I let my words, my thoughts, flow.
"I don't want us to put up some distance, even if just for a short while. Didn't you remember, Hajime? I once told you that I'll feel lonely if I can't see you for days. Now, you made that kind of request. It will feel even worse, Hajime, because even though I can see you in school, you won't let me talk to you like how we usually do."
Hajime's violet-colored eyes widened a fraction at my counter-arguments. But I'm not done yet. For Hajime, the strong, independent and reliable leader-figure Hajime, I always feel the need to stress this sort of point over and over again.
"Besides, why do you try to solve problem all by yourself again, Hajime? Haven't you learned that you can rely on others, or at least in me, when there's something that bothers you? More importantly, this one concerns me as well. So you need to involve me... no, please let me get involved, Hajime."
I ended my little preaching there and saw that Hajime seemed hesitant still. The eyes that had been fixed on me during the whole speech once again wandered to the ground. No words were exchanged between us for the following few minutes. I was expecting him to be stubborn and shooed away my wish to help him out on the matter, but then, after he closed his eyes and heaved a sigh, he said,
"You really are too nice for your own good."
Saying that, Hajime then looked at me again. This time, all traces of hesitations have left him. With chin slightly tilted up and the usual brilliance returned to his violet eyes, he had once again delved into his confident, charismatic persona.
"... If you've resolved yourself for that, then I'll have you exert your everything to help me out in this. As a man, you won't back down on your own words, right? Haaru."
Hearing the familiar tone that he loved to use when calling my name, I couldn't help but to chuckle. Really, despite saying that he doesn't like to be treated like someone superior, now and then he would deliberately posed as the mighty Alpha that he is, who wouldn't let anyone say no to him.
"As you wish, Leader."
In any case, I'm glad that the tension that we had now have melted. No need to worry about distancing ourselves, or the need to constrain ourselves for the matter.
Our relationship might have changed slightly, in that we're not simple best friends anymore, but we were able to spend days together just like we usually do ― happy and content with each other's presence. People around us doesn't seem to notice the change, but perhaps that's for the best. After all, even if we're okay with it, we're both aware that it's something that betrays the normalcy within our society. I'd like for our relationship to last as long as possible, and at the same time hoping that Hajime shared the same feeling.
.
.
.
But, a wishful thinking might be really just that. A mere wish.
.
.
.
Three years have passed since then, and reality decided to remind us not to get carried away with our dreamy wishes. It wants us to remember, that as Alphas, we're not meant to last happily together.
Because we're meant to be with an Omega, whether we'd like it or not.
... Hajime, he found the Omega destined to be his Mate.
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